PSA

I'm alive and well everyone, just really really busy.  Please, if you haven't already, add my feed to your friends list. That way, you can stay updated, even if I don't immediately post here. My feed is at

Talk to everyone soon!

The need to Belong-as quoted by David G. Myers-Psychology 8th Edition

I'm definitely NOT crazy…I posted this because I find it fascinating, and it hits home.

“Sometimes, though, the need to belong is denied.  Perhaps you can recall such a time, when you felt excluded or ignored or shunned,  Perhaps you received the silent treatment.  Perhaps others avoided you, or averted their eyes in your presence, or even mocked you behind your back.”
“Worldwide, humans use ostracism to control social behavior.”
Chapter 12: Motivation and Work pages 496-497

This hits home in a lot of ways. 
Recently, we read Chapter 18: Social Psychology.
Page 731:
“We are natural mimics-an effect Tanya Chartrand and John Bargh (1999) call the chameleon effect.  Unconciously mimicking others' expressions, postures, and voice tones helps us feel what they are feeling.”
Further down the page, it says:
“Such automatic mimicry is part of empathy.  The most empathic people mimic-and are liked-the most.  And those most eager to fit in with a group seem intuitively to know this, for they are especially prone to unconcious mimicry.”

This is so going in my user info, not because I'm a “copycat” but because I think it should, just for shits and giggles.

I'm really NOT crazy after all.  God, what a good feeling.

Test post…

posting using Windows live writer.

Um….oops…

Fixed something wonky with filters, all should be straight now.

DUA NETJER, DUA SEKHMET, DUA ASET, DUA BAST, and praise be to the shining Ones

MY CHECK CAME TODAY!  It is now endorsed, and back in the mail on its way to school!
What a huge relief it was to see it.  I was afraid I was going to have to whoop some ass.
Yes, I'll still have a balance, but it'll only be $147, and I can make payments on that.

I really hate having anxiety and all this mental foo

I feel awful

Something I'll never get the chance to say:(not directed at my current friends list.)

I feel awful, like the dust on someone's shoe. I can't explain it, but it feels like I don't have the right to exist…I am not beneath anyone else. I'm not lazy, I'm not weak, and I'm not a drama queen. I acted the way I did because I WAS A HUMAN BEING IN PAIN. If you can't understand that, then go fuck yourself. And yes, it is a known psychological fact that humans emulate others. It's called the chameleon effect. Fucking look it up before you crucify me for being human you BITCH. For someone who is a misanthrope and analyzes human behavior, TRY SHOWING SOME!

User Info

has been updated again, I encourage all if you to read it   I'm here, and will check in when I can, just mad busy with school.  If I've missed anything important, please lemme know.

Dude…

Laundry room floods FTW
I'm sitting here laughing my ass off, trying to get enough energy to concentrate to do shit that needs to be done, and I find out that our laundry room is flooded. Welcome to R-E-A-L L-I-F-E me lovelies. Oy, back to work. Math project here I come.

Morning update

 has been restored. 
In other news  I realized a lot of things last night.  And it makes me sad and look even more pathetic.  I was (am) so desparate to fit in and not be an outsider that I smoked and drank to feel normal.
I was raised aound cigarettes and alcohol.  It was a normal thing.
On January 10, 1999, I lost one of the only people that truly accepted me unconditionally.  I was her kid no matter what.  No matter how badly I screwed up, she still loved me.  She didn't view me as fragile, or weak.  She knew I was disabled and worked around my physical limitations, but she never spared my feelings, ever.  She never pitied me, not one damn time.  I'd screw up, and get reamed for it, but deep down it was all good.  She was my wings, and my anchor, too.  In her eyes, I was strong and independant in mind, and capable of doing anything I set my mind to, and this is the mindset I fight to carry today.
When she died, I felt and still feel lost and alienated.  I never feel like anyone sees me anymore; they see the chair, and how physically fragile I am, and it completely sucks all to hell. 

I appreciate that everyone worries.  Love and respect me enough to tell me you're worried.  Calmly talk to me.  If you're gonna ream me out, do it with dignity.

I'm crying my eyes out right now.  All I ever want (and wanted) in life is to be loved and accepted.  I'm working on accepting myself, but I need your help.

First positive thing of 2008…

I got a class I needed, and I don't have to take freshman english!
SIEG!