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I'm about to go Joan Crawford on SSI…

THANK YOU COCKSUCKING NEW FUCKING DORK STATE….Go drive your BMW while I freak out about having NO MEDICAL INSURANCE
and am on the verge of losing EVERY DAMN THING
I seriously wonder why I bother.  Yes I am working on constructing an appeal letter
WAY TO TREAT USEFUL PEOPLE, DUMBASSES

Trial work Period my ass.  They want to cut off my SSI/SSDI/Medicaid in OCTOBER of 2008…and to top it off, I won't be able to afford my antidepressant, and will have to switch.  Drug company won't pay for it.  Yeah…
Not happy, to say the least.

Jump in the line

While writing this, I was listening to “Jump in the Line” by Harry Belafonte

Kudos to those who can figure out the movie reference XD Yes I’m a bitch like that. But it’s my journal, so

When I write, nothing appears.

While writing this, I was listening to “Jailhouse Rock” by Elvis Presley

You’d think I’d love to write.  To rip open my heart and let everything spill onto the page; lately I’ve come to loathe writing.  Why?  Because writing forces me to feel.  Writing opens me up for criticism by total strangers and people I know about things they have no real understanding of what I’m going through unless they’re a constant part of my life, or unless I choose to tell them.

While writing this, I was listening to “Viva Las Vegas” by Elvis Presley

One of my biggest hobbies is military history, specifically WWI and WWII (Euro theater) and one of the families I research is the Richthofen family.  Lothar, his son Wolf-Manfred, and of course the Die Rote Baron himself, Manfred.  Lothi has a special place in my heart for many reasons, and so do Wolf-Manfred and his uncle. I research other pilots and their families as well.  Rudolf Berthold is another pilot I admire, regardless of what he had done in life.  He never quit flying until his last recorded set of injuries, and after the Great War, became a Nationalist and a strong patriot.  Above all. these men were human beings, and their dedication to aviation, and service to their country is what put them in the history books in the first goddamned place. I may be living my own personal heaven and hell, but when I get to Valhalla, I will hug them, and shake their hands.  Not because “I am worthy enough to.” but because I fucking WANT TO dammit.

While writing this, I was listening to “Wind & Geige” by Faun

See, this is why I hate writing.  I start rambling about stuff that makes no sense and open myself up.  I did that more than once, and ended up looking the fool.  So I closed up tight, vowing to never do such a thing.

While writing this, I was listening to “Tagelied” by Faun

Phrases float through my head of things present and past.  From “you’re too sensitive, just deal with it.” to “Why can’t you be more (insert emotion/word here) Well, gee, dumbasses, ya told me I was TOO sensitive to begin with!  DUH!

So now I withdraw almost completely.  Retreat and observe.  I want to live to see another sortie, thanks, and not have my heart shredded XD

I haven’t had a TRUE moment’s mental peace since December 31, 1995.  That’s the division date.  My life before then, and my life now.  That’s when my hell began.

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*Adopts GDF we are not amused look*

I thought Vati's picture would be appropriate for this post.  Losing job after 23rd…project ending…
so no the General is NOT in a happy place at the moment.  Nothing they have currently going has the hours I need.  HR is aware of the fucked-ness that around 200 others and myself will face soon.. and they are working PDQ…but not fast enough.  Ah well.

No…I'm not ok…I'm in crying/pissed off/survival mode, so if I snap at anyone, I'm sorry…
Send good thoughts please…
 

Meh

Meh

I hate rain. That is alk

I hate rain with a passion as much as being broke.